Yom Kippur (4): Regretting for Realh

כי קרוב אליך הדבר מאוד בפיך ובלבבך לעשותו

For the matter is very close to you, in your mouth and heart to do it.

There are Rishonim who explain that this verse is a reference to the Mitzvah of Teshuvah. If this is so then we need to understand how Teshuvah is close. Close implies relevant and practical, but our feeling is that Teshuva is so hard! What approach to Teshuva creates a feeling of בפיך ובלבבך לעשותו?

A Talmid of Rav Volbe ztz"l and a
true Ba'al Mussar in our day:
Rav Reuven Leuchter

Rav Reuven Leuchter shlit"a zones in on the aspect of Teshuvah called Charatah, which means regret. Regret, by definition means the feeling of loss at something that could have been achieved or accomplished. Most of us don't regret not touring the North Pole being as it is not a realistic possibility. If a person is not a billionaire then it would be silly for him to be filled with remorse over not donating piles upon piles of wealth to the poor. Everyone can understand that. Yet when it comes to a Mitzvah like Talmud Torah people have Charatah for not finishing כל התורה כולה - the whole thing! There is some sort of stigma that people have to do Teshuvah for not reaching ultra-sublime levels of sanctity. The apologize for not doing things that were anyways well beyond their reach. What's the use in feeling bad over things like that? That cannot be the essence of Charatah.

When I feel comfortable in my Avodah, when I'm cruising and feeling like I'm doing the right thing I don't feel the need to compare myself to Tzadikim who are well beyond me. I'm doing the best I can and that's what's expected of me. But all of a sudden when Teshuvah-season comes around I feel the need to say על חטא that I wasn't Rav Moshe Fienstein this year. How unreasonable is that?!

Real regret is looking at a situation I was in fact involved in and noticing how I could have been better. Me, with my strengths, in the situation put in front of me and me alone. Charatah has to be relevant. It has to be real. It has to apply to the realities of my life. And that is the meaning of כי קרוב אליך הדבר מאוד. Teshuvah has no implications of becoming "that guy", rather Teshuvah means how I could have been a better me, and forging a plan to actualize that higher self.