Vayeitzei (3): No Eyes On You

אכן יש ה' במקום הזה ואנוכי לא ידעתי

The simple translation of Yaakov's declaration is, "There certainly is G-d in this place, and I didn't know." Perhaps we can offer an alternative understanding that will teach us a fundamental concept in Avodas Hashem. But first we need to bring down a small introduction.

The Kever of the Hafla'ah

The great R' Pinchas Horowitz (and here), Ba'al HaHafla'ah taught the following lesson about the adage of Hillel, "אם אני כאן הכל כאן, ואם איון אני כאן מי כאן?" If I am here, every one is here. If I'm not present, who's here at all? This was said in the context of him dancing at the Simchas Beis HaShoeva. Hillel was declaring himself the life of the party.

But these words have a deeper meaning. A person who holds himself in high regard is subject to the trials of peer pressure because he needs to constantly check his self worth against the feedback of others. The more "I" matter, the more powerful the people around me become. But if a person deepens his humility and cares only about his relationship with Hashem, suddenly everyone else ceases to make an impact. Hillel was saying that if the "I" is here, if I consider myself a big deal, then suddenly everyone is here - the people around me become an emboldened presence, crushing me with self-consciousness. However, if the "I" is removed from the equation and I eliminate my personal biases, then "who is here?" - no one at all. Just Hashem.

R' Mosheh Sofer, zy"a
the Chasam Sofer

Says the Chasam Sofer, based on this idea we can understand our Passuk. Yaakov after experiencing this amazing prophetic revelation exclaims, "There is Hashem in this place, ואנכי לא ידעתי - because I stopped being so aware of the "I". This is such a powerful idea and it is the key to serving Hashem even when it means going against the grain. Our lives are such that we find ourselves in situations not conducive to spiritual growth and sometimes even directly opposing it. But Yaakov Avinu in this one moment instilled in our hearts the ability to tune everything out and - like Hillel - dance like no one is watching.